Faith and Hope would have been 2 months old a couple days ago on November 6th. I miss them very much, they are my everything. I am constantly thinking about them. Everything I see or hear reminds me of them.
Faith and Hope, I love you with all my heart. I carry your heart in my heart, always. Love Mommy.
The other day I was in Hobby Lobby (Christian Hobby Store) and I saw something that read “Happily Together Forever” and right next to it there was a card that said Faith Hope Love. I started crying right there in the store. I didn’t care who was watching or what they were thinking. I was having one of those moments of grief. I have learned that during my mourning process, if you feel like crying then do it. Sometimes, you just need to sob, scream, and drench tissues and pillows in tears. Let it all out. Don’t hold back those tears or emotions. Let yourself feel sad, happy, depressed, scared or whatever you are feeling.
I’ve been trying to surround myself with positive things. I can’t let the negative people get into my life. I need to be strong and know in my heart that God is our savior. I have been doing a lot of praying and going to church more than I have ever gone in my life. And I feel closer to God. I feel like a have a deep relationship with him. I view life differently.
I am a true witness to what life is really about. It isn’t about who has the most friends. Or who has the most money. It is not about becoming rich and famous. It’s about loving your family and most of all loving God.
God has given us a beautiful life. And He has blessed me with two miracles. Two souls that I hold so deep in my heart. But I don’t regret giving them 23 days to live and 8 months to grow inside me. They were miracles and showed me what life is all about.