Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thankfulness

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Be Thankful for what you have, because someone my never be given that chance. Whether it is be being able to have children, owning a car or house, having food on the table, or running water. 

In these past months I’ve been trying to stay positive, and move forward. Some days are harder than others, when knowing God took my daughters so soon. So, this thanksgiving, I need to remind myself that I am thankful for everything God has given me. 

Lord, I'm struggling show me what I have to be thankful for:
  1. I can see
  2. I can walk
  3. I have shelter
  4. I have never gone hungry
  5. I have a family that loves me
  6. I have great friends
  7. I have a bed
  8. I have a computer
  9. I have clean running water
  10. I can hear
  11. I have a job
  12. I have a cell phone
  13. My health is good
  14. I have a bathroom
  15. I have 5 nieces and nephews
  16. I have plenty of clothes
  17. I can read
  18. I own a car
  19. I gave birth to twins
  20. I am alive

 Thank you God for giving me life; Amen.

"Thankfulness is the defense against materialism"

Monday, November 21, 2011

Heaven's Nursery

In Heaven there must surely be
A special place, a nursery
Where 'little spirits' not fully grown
Go to live in their Heavenly home.

The angels must attend with love
Tiny spirits on wings of doves,
The choir of angels must sing lullabies
Maybe quieten their tiny cries.

The Father must come by each day
To cuddle and play in a special way
These tiny spirits left earth too soon

These sparks of life did not perish
But came to the Father's love to cherish,
To grow and be taught in His own arms
Safely away from all earthly harm.

The comforter was sent to earth at once
To the parents who lost their little one
Their hearts so ache, their arms feel empty
The question 'why' seems so tempting.

Then all at once in the midst of tears
There comes a peace that stills the fears
The parents share the Father's own need
To hold their tiny spirit being.

They relinquish their own desperate hold
And release their baby to the Father's fold,
Then comes an angel to whisper the truth
Of a nursery in Heaven bearing rich fruit

Of tiny spirits chosen to worship the Father
A place that couldn't be filled by another,
Called to be spared from the struggles of earth,
Chosen to be one of Heaven's births.

So Father, whisper words of love from me
To our baby in your nursery.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Flowers

I found these beautiful flowers for Faith and Hope. 
Pink for Faith and Purple for Hope. 

Visiting their place they lay to rest, is hard. It is hard because I always remember the last day I spent with them. I remember kissing them a million times. I remember not wanting to let them go. I love them more than anyone will ever know. A piece of me is gone. Going to there funeral was like I was attending my own. A part of me left. But a new part is growing. My faith. My faith is growing more and more. The more I go the more I feel connected to my angels. I love going to church. I get so emotional and it's so moving. I feel a good sense of their presence at church. 


I love helping other families with conjoined twins. I ask for you to pray for these families who have lost there beloved conjoined twins. All these babies had the most beautiful and hopeful families. Families that are so strong. If you know anyone going through the pregnancy of conjoined twins or who has lost there babies, please email me at aschulten@ymail.com


Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Miracles

Faith and Hope would have been 2 months old a couple days ago on November 6th. I miss them very much, they are my everything. I am constantly thinking about them. Everything I see or hear reminds me of them. 

Faith and Hope, I love you with all my heart.  I carry your heart in my heart, always. Love Mommy.

The other day I was in Hobby Lobby (Christian Hobby Store) and I saw something that read “Happily Together Forever” and right next to it there was a card that said Faith Hope Love. I started crying right there in the store. I didn’t care who was watching or what they were thinking. I was having one of those moments of grief. I have learned that during my mourning process, if you feel like crying then do it. Sometimes, you just need to sob, scream, and drench tissues and pillows in tears. Let it all out. Don’t hold back those tears or emotions. Let yourself feel sad, happy, depressed, scared or whatever you are feeling.  

I’ve been trying to surround myself with positive things. I can’t let the negative people get into my life. I need to be strong and know in my heart that God is our savior. I have been doing a lot of praying and going to church more than I have ever gone in my life. And I feel closer to God. I feel like a have a deep relationship with him. I view life differently. 

I am a true witness to what life is really about. It isn’t about who has the most friends. Or who has the most money. It is not about becoming rich and famous. It’s about loving your family and most of all loving God. 

God has given us a beautiful life. And He has blessed me with two miracles. Two souls that I hold so deep in my heart. But I don’t regret giving them 23 days to live and 8 months to grow inside me. They were miracles and showed me what life is all about.

Just look around today, a little bit harder than usual, and see if you can pick out Gods little miracles.

 

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Faith and Hope's Book

Beth Speer, Author and Illustrator.
Her most known book; Lula.


Beth has been busy making a new story. The story is about my little girls Faith and Hope. Beth having her own set of twin boys, was touched by my story. She was so creative! She tells the story of two little fish named Faith and Hope. The fish get left on my front step of my house. I  had a choose to keep them or not to keep them. I made the choice to keep them and give them love even though they were different and weren't your average fish. These fish were special fish, who I loved the most. The story is well told, and great for children. It teaches them to love, even if they look different. Everyone is different and Beth nailed it! BIG THUMBS UP!! Beth sure has a special talent! Thank you so much Beth!!! If you would like to order. Faith and Hope's Book

 Beth Speer
"This will keep Faith and Hope's story alive"


Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Faith, Hope, Love Crosses


Talented, hard working, and a heart of gold! 
Jim has been busy making these beautiful crosses for me!
Thanks to my close friend Karen.
She also is a twin, who has always been there for me.
FAITH & HOPE & LOVE
Aren't they so beautiful! I will treasure them forever!!

Please comment on his page..and let him know what an awesome job he did.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Chain of Light

As many of you might not know October 15th is a day where we all come together to remember babies who have gone to heaven. It is also a day for the International wave of light where people from the world over will light a candle at 7pm and leave burning for one hour. The result is a continuous chain of light spanning the globe for a 24 hour period in honor and remembrance of the children who die during pregnancy or shortly after birth. Please join us tonight in the chain of light.
I am a a mother of two beautiful angels in heaven. Today marks October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Please pray to all the sweet precious babies that have gone before us. Mommy and Daddy love you Faith and Hope. Our lives have been enriched by having shared your love.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

May Angels Lead You In


Faith Rosemarie & Hope Lillian
September 6, 2011 - September 29, 2011
"A life not measured in time but in love"


I know that everything that has recently happened in my life is not a coincidence. I think it happened for a reason. The day prior to finding out I was carrying conjoined twins who share one heart, the discussion topic at my church group was abortion. Then, the next day, my doctor told us there is no chance that they will live and that I should get an abortion. Right then I was faced with the big question should I keep them? This proved to be a huge test of my faith to either go through with a heartless abortion or to choose life for my children. I willingly and knowing chose life for my daughters Faith and Hope.

On September 28th Uncle Jimmy spent the day with girls and me. Daddy came soon after work from his long, two hour drive. We spent all day and night playing and laughing with our daughters. That night we invented the "tent." We made it to block the light in the room, so they would open their eyes without the light shining bright. They loved it! They were able to stare at us for hours and we would smile and think how beautiful they are. I loved when they would open their eyes. Faith and Hope were two beautiful girls. We took a lot of pictures that day more than any other. We said our nightly prayers and goodnights and when we left to go to sleep their favorite nurse Francine was there taking good care of them. She always called Faith "Sweet Pea" and Hope "Sugar Plum." I know she misses them dearly, and they have truly touched her heart. 

In the morning I heard knocking on my bedroom door. I looked at the clock and it was about 5:45 AM. I thought Petey was at the door, thinking he forgot something, but to my surprise it was Amy, a friend who also has a baby in the NICU. She said Petey called her because the hospital and Petey were unable to reach me, and that the hospital keeps trying to call the both of you. We had to get there right away, the girls aren't doing well. Luckily, the night before Petey (my fiancé) dropped off my car; otherwise we would have had to wait for a bus to pick us up. So we jumped in my car and sped over there. Of course when you’re in a hurry there's no where to park and everyone is trying to slow you down. The person at the front desk was giving us a hard time getting upstairs to the NICU. I called my sister Kristin in a panic, telling her to please pray with me and pray for Faith and Hope. 

After I hung up the phone, we went in the elevator to the 2nd floor NICU. We got buzzed in and then we reached the NICU front desk and said "BED 47" She said "GO."  At that time my heart was racing and my legs felt like jello as I was racing to my pod. When I reached their bed, there were about 20 staff members all around my daughters, I looked up at the monitor and their heart rate was dropping to the 50's/40's. 

I flashed back to the day the doctor told me I was having conjoined twins sharing one heart, who weren’t going to live. I remember having the same exact feeling. I remember crying, feeling so sick, and helpless. I started to pray by signing the cross over my girl’s bodies and prayed that they will be safe on their journey to heaven. Soon everyone in the room joined in and we all wept together. They told me, “We tried everything Amanda.”  I gazed around the room and everyone’s facial expressions told me this was it. So, I sat down right next to the crib, where they laid for 23 days together, and for the first time I held them without any tubes or wires. Their faces looked like pure angels they were so peaceful in my arms. I let both of them know how much I love them. I remember Faith’s eyes locked with mine and I kept telling her that “you are going to be with Jesus and mommy loves you so much.” The nurses comforted me while they were on their way to heaven. I felt their last heart beat as I held them in my arms. I was so thankful I had my friend Amy right there by my side. I smiled when I saw her, without her I might not have been able to be there for their last minutes on earth.

About 10 minutes after they passed, my dad showed up at the bedside. We comforted each other with many hugs, kisses and tears. We brought the girls upstairs to the 4th floor to a large room. One by one the room was filled with family and friends. Everyone was able to hold and embrace Faith and Hope for their first time. Everyone was crying because we missed them, but we all knew where they were, in heaven. That is the place everyone in this world is trying to get to. Faith and Hope are there waiting for us with arms wide open, joined in heaven with many other loved ones. What comforts me the most, is knowing that they have each other, always and forever.

Petey and I are now glad that before giving them a bath we made 3D images of the girl’s feet and hands. After that we put on their beautiful white gown that Sandy, my neighbor, sewed together for us. I couldn’t get over how beautiful they looked. Our photographer Ana came and took a lot of pictures for us. She is so wonderful, she volunteers at the company “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep.” We spent about 8 hours together and then we had to say our goodbyes. 

We went to the Ronald McDonald House, which took great care of us during our stay. It took two cars to fit all of my things and gifts. When I got home I felt so out of place, I haven’t been there since August when it was nice outside. Later that evening we went to visit my co-workers at Hair Cuttery; we stopped by on our way to the funeral home. My parents, Petey and I met at Countryside Funeral Home.  They took such great care of us and we made all the arrangements for Sunday and Monday. 

On September 30, I spent my day with my nephew Tristan. Tristan turned 3 years old we celebrated life, while yesterday we honored death. Later on we went to the cemetery. On the drive I thought why at 21 years old do I have to find a spot to bury my children? I did nothing but love them with all of my heart.  I thought about all the mothers and fathers who neglect and abuse their children. Then I thought how lucky my girls were to never hear yelling or fighting. Every day all they ever saw and heard was love. 

As I walked around the cemetery trying to find the perfect spot to lay them to rest, I asked the women to show us open lots for sale. I walked to the top of the hill right at the “T” in the road, one row back. I asked her if this spot was available. The background is a beautiful open field where the sunsets, and looking to the right is where our church will sit. I felt comfort being there. The peaceful environment, made me feel visiting them will be a beautiful place to meditate, pray and share stories.

October 1st the day before the wake my family came over to help make food and fill the photo albums. I developed over 1,000 pictures of the girls and we filled 4 books full of pictures to share with my close friends and family. My sister Kristin and I were busy putting them in chronological order, good thing every day I put a different headband on them to make it easier to know what day it was. The girls had over 30 headbands because I loved to dress them up. The girls only wore 3 outfits their whole life so the headbands were a blessing! Sharing the photos and telling the stories about the pictures was a great way to remember Faith and Hope. 

The day was going well until, my computer wanted to not corporate with me. I was busy making a slideshow filled with videos, music, and pictures of the girls. The songs I picked were: Arms of an Angel: Sarah McLachlan, I will Carry You: Selah, Borrowed Angels: Kristin Chenoweth, You’ll Be In My Heart: Phil Collins, Somewhere Over The Rainbow: Israel Kamakawiwo’ole, and Ave Maria: Beyonce. At about 2 AM I finally fell asleep with no slideshow fully made and woke up at 5AM to try again to get the slideshow to work and burn to a DVD. Finally, with the help of Petey (my fiancé) we were able to finish the DVD in time, before we left for the funeral home. 

October 2nd  was a very busy morning trying to put the slideshow together and blowing up 46 balloons. Petey and I were the first to visit Faith and Hope as they rested in peace. When we opened the doors in the funeral home, we saw a little white casket in the front of the room. The room had a sharp fragrance of roses and lily’s. The room was filled with huge arrangements of flowers (Rose’s and Lilly’s for their names Faith Rosemarie and Hope Lillian). I remember holding Petey’s hand tight and knowing that we have each other to lean on. We knelt before them and began to pray. I remember in that moment praying for strength to get through this day. The girls looked beautiful but different from the days before, no tubes or wires. 

Right then I flashed back to September 29th. I missed their air leaks, squeaking with every breath they took because I knew that they were breathing. I missed their pretty eyes when I would read Dr. Seuss and sing them sweet lullabies. I missed Hope’s mouth filled with bubbles and Faith’s sweet smile. I missed them sucking their purple pacifiers and gazing into my eyes. I missed holding them and rocking them to sleep in my arms. I missed the nights I sat by their bed just to watch their chest move up and down or watching them hiccup. I missed them holding onto my fingers when I reached for them. What I missed the most, was when I would talk to them they would know mommy was right there. 

As the day went on more family and friends came to express their condolences. A friend of mine told me September 29th the day Faith and Hope were called to heaven was Saints Day of Michael, Gabriel and Raphael. Each of these archangels performs a different mission in Scripture: Michael protects; Gabriel announces; Raphael guides

Anyone who has children knows that in that moment after you deliver you want to share your child’s picture with everyone. You love them so much you want to tell everyone.  This was the first time for many to see the girls, as I never got the chance to share pictures because of the media. As each person passed by the girls, I shared stories and sweet memories of Faith and Hope. I wanted to make sure each person knew that we love them more than anything else in this world! I think many people would agree. 

October 3rd 9:30AM we met at the funeral home to say our last goodbyes to Faith and Hope. I read them a poem I wrote. It was hard to read through the blurred eyes of tears but I was glad I was able to read it to them.  The day was harder than yesterday. I didn’t want to leave their side but I knew they weren’t here spiritually. I knew that Jesus had them wrapped in his arms, taking great care of them. 

We arrived at our home parish St. Charles Borrmeo. Our opening song was “Amzing Grace” the song really broke me down and touched my heart. The mass was beautiful and peaceful. After receiving the Eucharist; during meditation, they played and sung a beautiful version of Ava Maria. I had the goose bumps the whole time. I kept thinking I know they are in heaven singing in the highest. Our angels Faith and Hope are in the happiest place, most joyful, most heavenly place they could possibly be. The closing song was “How Great Thou Art” one of my personal favorite hymns.

When we arrived at the cemetery, we spoke many prayers. Beautiful words were spoken by Deacon John. It was so comforting looking around and seeing a lot of people there supporting us. Petey and I laid a bed of rose petals. As the casket was lowered, we covered the top with more red rose petals and tears. We hugged each other for some moments and I remember thinking this is real. They are really gone to heaven. Many balloons, were released in memory of Faith and Hope. 23 pink Faith balloons and 23 purple Hope balloons, symbolizing the 23 precious days they were here with us. The beautiful blue sky was filled with 46 pink and purple balloons it was a moment I will forever remember. I will always cherish the time God gave us and I’m so very thankful I am your mommy!

Looking back in time I would have never thought I would be where I am now. I can’t really explain it but I feel like God blessed me with Faith and Hope to draw me closer to Him. I’m not the same person I was before I got pregnant. My life is forever changed but not in a bad way at all.

Faith and Hope will never be forgotten. They will forever live in our hearts. The story is not over, Faith and Hope will touch many more lives as the story is retold. Faith and Hope didn’t live to be the longest living conjoined twins, but they worked miracles and showed us love. Without love from their father and I the story wouldn’t have been told. I love you so much, until we meet again at the heavenly gates to the kingdom of eternal life. A place where there will be no more pain or suffering. We may not ever fully know why this happened. But in life know that we all must die and there is a heaven for all the good souls.

I love you.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

21 Days!!

Sorry, I’ve been so busy being a new mommy, I have no time to update this blog. Faith and Hope are 3 weeks old today! Wow, I never thought I would be able to say that. And I feels great to say they have made it this far! They are true miracles.  Faith and Hope have a few rough moments but nothing to alarming. They continue to grow and get stronger each day. They are weighing about 10 lbs. now. Overall they are doing well and every day is a new adventure for us to treasure. We are so happy to experience joy and happiness with them. :)  I gave them cute nicknames. Faith is Smiles and Hope is Bubbles.

We continue to have hope and savor each moment with our daughters.  We would love for you to continue to pray for Faith’s and Hope’s precious life. Each day is amazing. We love being parents and seeing all of our prayers answered.  Faith and Hope wore their first outfit this week which was a 3 month old dress! They look so adorable in clothing! We had to adjust to make it work but it looked nice for our weekend visitors. Thanks to my wonderful nurse Pam for helping me find clothes for them!

Our next goal is to prepare for us to go home. Updates are tough, because every hour is spent at the NICU, but we will try to keep them coming. Petey and I would like to thank all the great nurses and doctors at the NICU. We have grown so close to many of you. You many never know how much you all have encouraged us. Thank you. Most of all we have been encouraged by the numerous of people praying for us. E-mails, donations, gifts, and visits. We can’t begin to express the gratitude that we have for all of you! I am so lucky to have been given this life that I have and it is built on my faith in God. I love you Faith and Hope!!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

2 Weeks Old

What if I would have listened to the doctors? What if I would have terminated the pregnancy? What if I would have listened to what everyone else was telling me? What if I didn't listen to my heart? I would have never spent 2 weeks, 14 days, 336 Hours, 20,160 minutes with my daughters. I would have never seen their beautiful blue eyes, hold them in my arms, or kiss them goodnight. I'm so happy and proud I didn't make the mistake of having an abortion. So many people have abortions and don't think twice about it.  Being their mom I look past all the abnormalities and see true beauties. God makes no mistakes. I'm so grateful to have God in my life. It has taken a lot strength to be where I am now. If I could turn time around, I am happy to say I made the right decision. I can't stress enough of how happy I am to spend these past two weeks, right next to my babies. I love watching them grow. Yesterday they were weighed at 9 lbs. 15 oz. They are such a special gift! Today I cried tears of JOY while I was holding them in my arms. I looked down and they both reached for my hand and right then I knew they are worth fighting for. They didn't utter a word, but I knew they meant I love you mom and thanks for believing in us. I love them with all of my heart and soul!!  I love knowing how loved my girls are to many people I barely know. Thank you all for strengthening all of us and sending us positive emails.

Please continue to pray for Faith and Hope.


Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Philippians 2:9-11

Friday, September 16, 2011

10 days!

It has been 10 days since I gave birth to my precious babies Faith and Hope. Time is really going by so fast. Faith is eating now. The girls are getting a lot bigger. From what I can remember I think they gained almost a whole pound already. Way to go girls! My nurses here are so wonderful. I love them all. One of my nurses gave the girls nicknames, sweet pea and sugar plum. So cute of names. So I decided to give them nicknames also. Hope is Bubbles and Faith is Smiles. If you could see them you would name them that too. It's so cute when I suction their mouthes Hope has a million bubbles. She can really make them big too! It's so cute. Faith is always smiling and awake for me. She's always looking around at the world and stare at me with her big blue eyes! I wonder what she's thinking. Babies are so adorable with everything they do. Don't you just love babies? They are so peaceful when they are sleeping. Faith and Hope were holding hands while sleeping. Of course I took a picture. It was the most beautiful picture I have ever taken. I love my girls so much!!


Also, thank you all for the positive emails I have been receiving. I appreciate you guys taking time out of your day to write to me. I love hearing your stories and connecting with people. Thank you for showing your support and praying for my family. Again, thank you so much. You all have up lifted my spirits! :)

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Be Grateful

Just want to let everyone know they are not alone in whatever it is they are dealing with in their life. No one has this life easy. Some people have it harder than others. We need to pick ourselves up and make things better. Let's all try to be better people. No need for being negative and mean. Live every day like it is your last. Life is absolutely a huge blessing. Be thankful we are all here on earth. You don't learn what life is all about if you always have it easy. The hard tests we are put through makes us stronger and appericate every day more and more. 

Who do we always turn to when times get hard? God. Do we ever reach out when times are good? We need hard times so show us to appreciate things. Days are always filled with there ups and downs. We need to make sure we enjoy those good days and forget the bad. You have to move forward to the better. Appreciate life because you never know when it's your last day here on earth.

I know my daughters are thankful for every day that they are here. I hope everyone celebrates today living their life. Life is good. Please hug your children a little tighter, call your parents just to say I love you, and be friendly to a complete stranger. Because you never know who's having a bad day and you might be the one to brighten it. :)


Faith and Hope are 9 days old today and are doing great! I love you!!! xoxoxox

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Faith & Hope & Love

 Someone emailed me this beautiful quote. Thought I'd share it with you.

Faith makes things possible, Hope makes things work, Love makes things beautiful. Always have Faith, Hope, & Love <3 you have them all.

Faith and Hope are 8 days old today!!! :)


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

September 13th

At times I think it's strange when people email me saying I'm a good mom and example. I don't know any other way. Some even emailed saying more women should be like me. I don't really understand why? Are all moms not loving? How can parents not love their children? Honestly who can hate a beautiful child? Hmmm...something I have been thinking about...Is there really people out there that have no heart?

About my day...

The loud noises of the NICU drive me nuts. Every beep I hear scares me. Every flashing light bothers me. But I know they are in very good hands. These nurses and doctors that look over my daughters are amazing!! I just want to pick them up when I see them starting to cry. I want to be the one to rock them to sleep at night. I wish I could let them sleep on my chest and feel their little heart beating. I love watching their chest move with every beat of their shared heart. Last night when I close my eyes I think about how beautiful God made them. So pure and at peace. I also, think about all the other babies I see walking past. The ones I see with no family by them. The ones with no mommy or daddy. I can't go by those babies because it's against the law but I do pray for them. But they are wonderful parents here. I met some great and strong parents here. I feel so connected to them even though we just met. I can tell all of them love their children so much and would do anything for them. They always ask how faith and hope are doing. I love that strangers even ask how my babies are. Talking with other moms helps me feel not so alone here. All day I sit and stare at the monitor waiting to hold my daughters tightly in mommas arms. I love them so much!!!

The hospital has a scrap booking club for the families tomorrow. They supply everything for you and they develop pictures for you. I thought that was so sweet of the hospital to organize that. I have a big meeting tomorrow with a lot of doctors. We need to all put our heads together and form a plan. Hopefully we will discuss when we can take the girls home with us. Something I thought I'd like to share, before I leave for the night I hold each of their hands in mine and we say a pray. It's such a silly thing I do but I feel like it's working. Every thing I pray about with them comes true. I love my days with them.

One Week Old

Today marks one week at 9:24

Looking back on these 7 days has taught me a lot.

Never give up trying.

Don't stop fighting for what you believe.

Every day is a precious gift.

Keep praying and He will listen.

No one ever thought I would say "the girls are one week old today"

Faith and Hope are doing great!!!

They are breathing room air at only 35 weeks old!

I'm so proud of them.

I'm so blessed I can sit by their side all day and night/

Can't wait for the day I can bring them home.

I love holding their little hands.

So I need to keep having faith and hope and love them to pieces!!

I love you sweeties!!

Monday, September 12, 2011

What It Means to be Loved

 A beautiful song written by an amazing song writer and singer Mark Schultz

Please take a minute to listen to the words of this amazing song.

I can relate in so many ways.

It was awesome listening to it because I feel the same way!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrXmHaBP-A4&feature=player_embedded


Lyrics:

For five months and eight days my wife and I had waited
Gettin' ready for our baby girl
But when he called the doctor said I need to see you  
and could you come in soon
then something died inside of me to sit with him and hear
the tests that said our baby may not live to be a year
then turnin' to my wife and he said 
"whata you wanna do?" and she said...
I wanna give her the world
I wanna hold her hand  
I wanna be her mom for as long as I can  
and I wanna live every moment until that day comes 
I wanna show her what it means to be loved
so we spent each day, watchin' every minute
and prayin' for our baby girl  
and I will not forget the way I felt that moment
when she came into this world
but they took her from the room just as soon as she was born
and watchin' through a window I could see her holdin' on  
when a voice inside me said...
I wanna give her the world
I wanna be her dad
I wanna hold her close for as long as I can  
and I wanna live every moment until that day comes
I wanna show her what it means to be loved
Well ever since the day we've got to bring her home
she's been out to prove the doctors wrong
oh and you should see her now
she's as pretty as her mom
and theres a boy at the front door waiting just to take her to her high school prom...
and he wants to give her the world
wants to hold her hand  
and someday she may get a wedding band
but she's gunna live every moment until that day comes  
and we're gunna show her what it means to be loved
Oh yeah (what it means to be loved)
show her what it means to be loved what it means to be loved

Sunday, September 11, 2011

September 10th

September 10th 2011 is a day I will never forget.
Every mother waits and dreams of holding their child for the first time.
My turn has come and I held for the first time my little girls.
I can't even describe how good I felt holding them.
I cried tears of joy, while my fiance video taped the whole move.
I was very nervous because the girls have a lot of cords and wires.
But the team of 5 nurses got the job done!
The girls were so comfortable in my arms.

Also, early in the morning we had a priest come to visit.
Faith & Hope were baptized.
The girls have the best Godparents in the world.
My brother-in-law and sister.
Two of the most beautiful and amazing people.
It was beautiful!
They had a beautiful white gown that we laid over their bodies.
So pure in God's eyes.
Mommy & Daddy are so proud!!!

Doctors are learning day by day new things about the girls.
It's a learning experience for me and for everyone.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Bracelets

Lots of people asking how they can purchase a bracelet.

As of right now we have a lot of orders...so...

Therefore we need to put on hold on any new orders as of September 14th.

Thank you for understanding.

God Bless & Thank You

Friday, September 9, 2011

God is good

Faith Rosemarie and Hope Lillian were born September 6th 2011.
Weighing a total of 8 lbs. 10 oz.
Born crying and kicking.
The girls lenghth was 15 1/2 inches.
Mommy and Daddy are so proud of them.
Time they were born is 9:24 am.
We celebrate each day at 9:24 their beautiful life they share together.
The girls have lots of soft brown hair and the prettiest eyes.
God is good and he knows what he is doing.
I'm so honored to call them my children.


September 6th was a day miracles happened.:)
I gave birth to the 2 most beautiful conjoined twins.
I love everything about them!!
The doctors and nurses were amazing.
My c-section was a miracle and could possibly have natural child birth in future pregnancies.
Thanks everyone who's praying for my little precious gifts from God.
I sit with them all day waiting patiently to soon one day get to hold them in my arms.
I cry tears of joy, that God made them so perfect. (at least in my eyes and anyone who has met them)
I can't express enough how much I adore and love them!!
We aren't sharing pictures.
But we would love to show off these true beauties that God created.
Again thank you for the support and I love you all. :)

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Celebrate life

Tonight we were looking back on all the good and bad times throughout this pregnancy.

We are looking back and seeing how strong they have been.

Faith and Hope are true fighters. So tonight let's celebrate!!

We are celebrating life!!

We are celbrating how far into the pregnancy the girls have come!!

We were told they would never be here now at 34 weeks.

I'm so proud of them, if only they knew how happy they make me feel.

I'm enjoying life tonight by having ice cream!

Cheers to living life :)

Friday, September 2, 2011

Negative comments

I am so mad about how cruel people really are!!!!

Someone had the nerve to say some hurtful mean things about my unborn babies and myself.

Wonder if it makes them feel better by saying these things??? Because your all wrong!!!

This is a positive story so why twist it around and try to make it seem bad?

I love my children and that's what this blog is about.

I will do anything for them. And that means giving them a chance to live.

Also I recently became catholic as of (Easter) April this year, seeing that people think I'm a cafeteria catholic (just had to add). I had no faith before this and now look I have God in my life. I can see my life changing for the better with having the babies because, it has brought me so close to God. I can tell those people who are writing these mean things don't and I feel bad.

My fiancé and I were planning a wedding but unfourtnatley we don't have the money nor time as of right now.





Day 4

We received many phone calls from the news and emails. The word is really spreading fast. I just want to wait to share information until after the girls are born, which will be really soon! I'm not disclosing the date either, I guess you will be in total surprise when I log in a tell you they are born!! Did anyone see  my babies or myself on channel 5? I didn't see it and wanted to know what was said. I had no idea they could just put you on TV without asking! So if anyone knows please comment. Thanks :)

Thanks for all the comments and support most people are giving me. Reading each one makes me more relaxed and less stressed of what is to come. Whenever I'm feeling down I just read one of the many emails that have been sent to me. It makes me so happy to know how many people are praying for us. My girls have so many people that truly love them. Thanks!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Day 3 Admitted

This morning I was woken up by a team of doctors and medical students. I met with my soon to be doctor who will be doing the caesarean section. His name is Dr. Ismail, he said he has delivered over 10,000 babies himself. This will be his third delivery for conjoined twins. He has hope for me and the babies and he is trying his hardest to make the smallest incision possible. He knows that I am very young and want more children in the future. It's so nice to know that I will be in very good hands, and I trust in him a lot.

I also met with a gal who is a recreational therapist. She was so amazed that I brought so many things to do here in the hospital on my stay. She said she would teach me to knit, so I'm going to try to make something for my girls. Maybe I can learn something to help me make their clothing in the future.

The nurses during my hospital stay are wonderful. Couldn't say a bad thing about any of them. It takes a special kind of a person to become a nurse, especially a labor and delivery nurse. Through tears and laughter my room is always full of emotion. My nurses keep assuring me I'm doing the best I can and I'm going to be a great mom. They're right there to guide you through everything and anything. Everyone is real compassionate to me and I just want to say thanks to all the nurses who are taking care of me during my stay.

I know God is helping me through this but so is all the positive people. Friends and family, even people I don't even know are helping me so much. Some even write me to tell me how courageous I am. Some people say they are praying for us. All the support is helping me get through the last stretch before they are born. It's nice to know that people do care a lot about you and your children. Thank you again everyone for letting my story and my children get into your lives, I love knowing that these people are here for me and I'm glad I'm friends with everyone of them. :)

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Day 2 admitted

My parents dropped me off yesterday. I was monitored and it showed I was having irregular contractions. My parents joked about how many bags I brought with to the hospital. I tried to bring as much as I could to stay occupied for the next couple of weeks. These four walls don't change a bit. Bed rest is going to be hard...Also my room is right next to the place the helicopter lands. So it is very noisy all day and night.


Tonight I am getting my second dose of medicine to help the babies lungs develop. Guess what time they do it at? 1 am! Yeah so I had no sleep last night and probably won't tonight either.

Also my belly grew!! My uterus is now measuring 37 cm! It comes all the way to my breast bone. I swear if I keep going with my pregnancy it's going to be chin level. Lol

Can't wait to deliver my girls and hold them in my arms!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Excited and Nervous

After church today, my doctor at The University of Chicago Medical Center called me.  He said that they had a meeting with my case this morning with all of the doctors and they agree on admitting me on Monday. But that doesn't mean I will be delivering on Monday, just monitoring me and keeping me in the hospital. They are thinking somewhere between 34-36 weeks the babies will be born. But since being diagnosed with Preeclampsia plans can always change and deliver earlier. This being said I am very nervous. I know that they're arrival will be here quickly. I know God is in control but I just want everything to turn out perfect. I love my babies too much. I am so excited finally knowing that the time to meet them is finally going to be here.

Also I got in touch with a photographer to be there when the girl's are born.  Since the survival rates are low for conjoined twins sharing only one heart, we wanted our moments with Faith and Hope documented and also we won't have to worry about taking pictures of them. Plus I don't think I will never put them down, I will be wanting to hold them. My friend Vanessa told me about this wonderful company called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/
Their entire network of affiliated photographers graciously donate their time and talents to the families and are proud to be able to offer services at no cost. They are able to provide this service to parents suffering early infant loss from as early as 25-weeks gestation or at the discretion of medical personnel. All photographers provide this service on a voluntary basis.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Pro Life

Why is it that certain people think anything that isn't
within someone's definition of "normal" must be destroyed?

Our culture says disabled children of any sort are
less valuable than 'normal healthy' kids. 

We need to put a STOP to this NOW

People need to stop being heartless.

No child gets left behind 




Pro Life Poem
Written by an unborn baby


I’m just a little baby

Small and petite

My heart is beating

My body is growing 

I can’t wait to see

I can't wait to breathe

Mommy I’ll be a good son

I’ll make you smile

I bet you are beautiful

I see you in my dreams

I have fingers like you do

And little toes too

The doctors showed me in the screen

Do you love me mommy?

Will you choose life for me?

I hope you choose life

I can’t wait to meet you

God has given you a special gift

Why are the nurses saying I’m tissue?

I’m real mommy

Please believe me

The nurses all told lies

I'm a baby

So my life was taken

Mommy I’m in heaven

I’m in Jesus’s arms

I see lots of babies

I’m safe here

No one can hurt me

Why didn’t you want me mommy?

I could have been a great son.

I never got to see the world

Never got the breathe

Never got a chance

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Welcome to Holland

Welcome To Holland
By: Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. 

It's like this...
 
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
 
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
 
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
 
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
 
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
 
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
 
It’s just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills.... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
 
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
 
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
 
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things.... about Holland.



This story really touched me...tell me what you think about it by commenting

Monday, August 22, 2011

Celebrating Conjoined Twins Day

The 21 stands for 2 people 1 body. :)

I celebrated by lighting two candles and praying for my babies and all the other babies that have gone to heaven, soon to be born twins, and the ones still living. It was a very emotional day for me, for one I'm pregnant and two the day is all about my children. I can't wait to hold my girls in my arms and say I love you!

It was such a bitter sweet day remembering all the babies who didn't make it and rejoicing over the ones that did.  I spent most of my day thinking about my girls and wondering what their thinking about.

I've been getting in touch with conjoined twin families. All of them are wonderful and are very supportive. I hope one day we can all meet each other on this special day of the year. We are the chosen ones who get to call these children our own. I'm hearing their stories and they are so strong and they really do understand what each one of us is/was going through. There is just a very unique and incredible bond between all of us.

I met a woman named Vanessa. She is a courageous and loving mother of conjoined twins Melody and Madison. They were born back in 2008, but her girls will never be forgotten. I can't express how much of a support she is to me right now. I've been searching and I found her.


  I love you Faith and Hope!!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Preeclampsia

Yesterday I was admitted to Labor & Delivery to have some tests done. The reason I was there is because I showed signs of Preeclampsia.

Preeclampsia is when women who are pregnant gradually develop high blood pressure and have a high volume of protein in urine. I also had symptoms of serve headache and dizziness.  

No tests that can predict who will get Preeclampsia and there is no way to prevent it. 

Preeclampsia can reduce blood flow to the placenta and slow the growth of the baby.  

The only cure for Preeclampsia is delivery of the baby and placenta. 

Although bed rest and taking high blood pressure medication can lower blood pressure and reduce the risk of stroke and seizures. 

Now I will be closely monitored here on out through the pregnancy. 

We were so happy I didn't deliver yesterday because I'm not that far along, and there are so many risks when delivering early.

Also, I am praying that everything will be fine for the babies and me.


 Faith Smiling
 Look at all that hair!!!
Hope Sleeping


ONE HEART TWO SOULS

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Thank you!!

Special thanks to Jessica F. 
 "This is our way of throwing you a baby shower,
Every mother deserves to feel special."
 
Jessica has been busy making bracelets, key chains,
t-shirts, bumper stickers and little hair bows!

Here is a preview of what they look like:

 Each bracelet or key chain has a charm that says Faith or Hope.

 We will start fundraising as soon as we get these items.
The bracelets turned out so cute!
Again, Jessica you are a true blessing! Thanks!!
 One Heart Two Souls



August 10th

Getting bigger every day!! I feel like all my organs are squished, 
but I can't complain when I have two beautiful girls inside me.

At our ultrasound on Wednesday August 10th

I love going because I love seeing what they are doing inside me.
Guess Faith was hungry!
She was sucking her toes and had Hope's hand under her chin.
They couldn't get a clear picture of her sister Hope. :/

Monday, August 8, 2011

Be Not Afraid

Matthew 14:22-33

 22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, 24 and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. 
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”29 “Come,” he said.  Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” 32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”


The Lord is with everyone, including my babies. We are all afraid at some point because of fearing the unknown. But, God is telling us not to be afraid. We need to believe in him and trust in him. Jesus wants us to be brave in those difficult moments and have faith. So, I'm reaching out to God in need of help and he will help, there is not doubt about that.  After church I felt so at ease knowing that the Lord is always with me until the end of time. God Bless.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

New Ultrasound Pictures

My babies were looking down the whole time. They were so camera shy! 
At least we have some good profile views.

HOPE
So sweet, look at her chubby cheeks! I love how clear her ear turned out. 
She has her arm covering her little face. 3D is amazing.


FAITH
She looks so cozy in there. Looks like someone is trying to go to sleep. 
Look at how cute her little face is!


Cute little toes!!


Cute little fingers!!


The ultrasound tech. showed me their heads, WOW! They have a lot of hair! 
Also, during the ultrasound Hope decided to start sucking on her toes! 
We all had a good laugh from that. 
Faith on the other hand was my little sleeping beauty, 
while her sister was up playing and moving around. 
My girls are growing so big, they will be here before I know it. :)

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Meeting with the doctors

Yesterday was my big day to meet with all the doctors! I brought along my sister Kristin and my fiancé Petey on the forever long drive.  They asked me a series of questions like, if separation is something I want to consider, if only saving one is an option, if I was open to resuscitation, etc.  The doctors looked at the MRI scan pictures that I recently had done at Children's Memorial in Chicago, which seemed to have answered some of the doctors' questions, but I'll need to get another MRI in order to get a better look at the heart.

The MRI shows that the babies are most likely not directly facing chest to chest, but they're not completely attached shoulder to shoulder either. The doctors believe this because their spines meet at the tailbone and form into one pelvic bone. They also conclude this because the twins share one large bladder and intestinal track.

So, thinking of this it would be like two heads, one torso, two legs. So, when I got home I did a lot more research, and I discovered the Hensel conjoined twins. The Hensel twins have two separate hearts though, but I'm thinking that they will look similar to them. We will not know 100 percent what their anatomy is until they're born.

Here's a picture of what the Hensel twins look like 



The doctors informed me that I will never be able to have a natural child birth, and that I will always have to deliver early, due to the complex c-section they will be performing on me. The doctors are still debating over the date in which Faith and Hope will be delivered, but they are thinking somewhere between 34 to 36 weeks.  Also, the doctors want me to have two sets of steroids shots to help with my daughters lung development, but the shots have to be done at just the right time. I can't get the shots too soon or too late, otherwise they won't work efficiently.

On this visit we toured where the babies will be cared for after they are born, as well as the room where I will be recovering in after the c-section. Dr. Lee, head of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at the hospital, was very nice to take time out of his busy schedule to show us around the NICU and to introduce us to the nurses/staff there. I met with a nurse who had taken care of the most recent conjoined twins in their NICU, and she said that she would be honored to care for mine. After this visit I feel so much more comfortable now knowing who will be taking care of my babies. Except, now I know I will be away from my babies after they are born until I recover from surgery.

Doctors are saying that once they are born, there will be a ear, nose, and throat doctor in the delivery room who will be ready to insert tubes down their throats to help with their breathing. Because they will be pre mature babies. If the girls show progress in their breathing they will gradually be taken off. I asked if I could please have pictures taken of the girls before the tubes are placed. They are going to try to make sure my wishes come true.  Also, I want somebody in the room to baptism my babies as soon as they're born.  In the delivery room there will be so many doctors and nurses. The whole team is meeting on Wednesday to go over my case.  So, please everyone pray that the team will come together and make this an ease for my babies and me.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Saving Lives

I received a message via Facebook from a lady who works at a clinic in DeKalb yesterday night. She thinks it's great that I'm spreading a good message about pro-life.  She is proud of me that I didn't let anyone pressure me into an abortion because she meets with girls everyday who are considering abortion. You know why? Because the world says it's ok.  I'm showing the world what a mother's love really is, not giving up on your children. She asked to use my story for patients that are thinking about getting abortions! Without hesitation I said, YES! Something good is coming from this life experience. Faith and Hope's story can save a babies life!! Or stop an abusive parent! Maybe even end abortion all together!! My babies would be so proud of themselves for helping another little baby. So please spread the word, I hope that if we raise enough money I can start an organization  for national awareness for conjoined twins and I can donate money to my hospital.

Friday, July 29, 2011

My Journey

On April 1st I had my first ultrasound at Sherman Hospital for my first pregnancy.  I took Petey along with me for my first appointment. I had a younger nurse named Vicki. When she put the wand on my belly, she noticed something was different right away. I was laying there looking up at the screen thinking there is two heads... Petey knew right away there were two babies on the screen. The nurse told me I'm having twins! I was so excited and thrilled!! But I didn’t believe her at first. I kept asking her Are you sure? So we had a second opinion from another doctor in radiology. Petey was in total shock. I kept thinking two babies, I am the luckiest mom in the world!! When I was a child growing up I always said I wanted twin girls!! I can;t believe I'm being blessed with two beautiful baby girls. I really wanted a picture to show everyone the big surprise but the nurse told us we couldn’t have one.I kept telling Petey the babies looked like they were hugging each other it was so cute! I was only 13 weeks, so the babies were really tiny!

We told my parents on April 2nd because no one believed us the day before on April Fools Day that we were having twins! I was the happiest person! I couldn't wait to go back to the doctor to see my babies again. I did a lot of research that night about twins, and found out I was having identical twins because they are in the same sac.  That also meant that I'm at high risk pregnancy. The internet said there is a chance of conjoined twins when twins are shared in the same sac.

That night I had an urgent call to see my doctor first thing Monday morning. The doctor said she needed to go over the results from the ultrasound. On Monday morning around 9:00 I went to the appointment by myself not thinking anything was wrong. To my surprise I was in for an roller coaster ride. I found out I was having conjoined twins! The doctor stated, I'm sorry you are carrying conjoined twins that share the same malformed heart. The doctor said the babies wont make it to birth and termination is the best option. I couldn't believe some person could sit there and tell me to end my babies lives. Who am I? I'm not God. I should have no control over choosing to kill my baby. I got really sick to my stomach. I was sitting there alone in the room on the floor crying. When she told me the news I broke down, I wasn't thinking about abortion. I was thinking will they survive, not I want them to die! She told me to have another ultrasound done with Dr. Duval at Sherman because he is a really good doctor. I became very depressed and felt very alone.

I never returned back to her office.

After a couple days of staying home from work, I had to get out of my house. I felt so depressed and sad all the time.  I remember wanting to talk to people because I was so lonely and sad. Some people were really supportive and thought I was doing the right thing by carrying on with the pregnancy while others not so much. Couple of my so called friends told me to listen to the doctor and terminate the pregnancy even some family members. I couldn't believe it. I felt as if everyone was turning against me, like I was the bad guy for wanting to keep my children alive!

I went through a tough time because I would tell people about my situation and they would say things like "the kids would suffer"  They say that I'm selfish if I keep the babies because of how short their life span is." "Don't let my kids know your pregnant, they are way to young to handle death because they're just going to die anyways" "Were you drinking when you got pregnant?" All the things people said really hurt me a lot. "Your babies are going to look weird." They would even blame me. I remember thinking - I hope I didn’t cause this to happen to them. I remember feeling the lowest in my life. I wish there was something I could do to change or help my babies in any way possible. I want nothing but the best for my children.

It’s so rare to have conjoined twins. Only 30 conjoined twins are born in the world every year. Doctors keep telling me they aren't going to survive much longer. So every day I would wake up in the morning thinking is today their last day. Every appointment got worse, and we received more bad news. The lungs aren't fully developed (so they only have 2 good working lungs) they share only two legs, which one is clubbed. They share the same heart and liver. They only have two kidneys. The list kept getting worse as the test results would come back. I felt so alone and helpless. I wanted to go back in time and stop all this from happening! I was so angry that I couldn't help my girls. I wish I could give them my heart. I wished...on a lot of things.

One of my doctor's said that I would most likely have a miscarriage and he told me all the signs to look out for. He said that by the looks of the ultrasound the girls will not make it past 28 weeks. And if for some chance I make it to full term that they would not live long after delivery. He said the babies will come out from a complex c-section and let us hold them until they pass away. I was very upset and I cried my eyes out. That sounded so hopeless! No one wants to hear that their child will die right in your arms after they are born. That was one of the hardest things to hear. But now I have so much hope and faith that they will survive and will a long life together as one.

This one Wednesday morning I was feeling horrible and very depressed, so I decided to go to church. I prayed for least an hour, crying and praying to God. I swear he heard my prayer because afterwards I felt so at peace with the situation.  It was like he told me not to worry and leave everything up to him to handle. He was saying I will carry your cross Amanda.  After that day I told myself I am never giving up Hope and Faith! Every time I go to an ultrasound, I pray before I go that a miracle will happen and they will be two separate girls. I always say God please perform this miracle! I know you have the power to do anything!! If you do this everyone will believe that you are real and you will have so many people wanting to follow this faith.

I am so comforted in knowing that God is in control, it's in his hands. I am fully trusting in the Lord, he is our hope, he can make anything happen. Creating these beautiful conjoined twin girls Faith and Hope was not a surprise to him, he allowed this to happen and I am so thankful that the Lord has choosen me to be their mommy!

As I got farther into my pregnancy I hid my pregnancy from everyone, I didn't want to hear more hurtful things. But hiding them made it worse, it made it feel as if they aren't real. But they are real. And will be here on earth before we know it. I came to a conclusion that many people are evil and they will always say evil things and I can't stop them. I need to ignore the rude and focus on the good. Knowing I'm following my heart and knowing that I am doing the right thing by cherishing, loving, and adoring my beautiful children. Is it a sin to love your children? No! So I believe I'm doing what is right.

So finally here I am now sharing my story of my two beautiful babies that I love with all of my heart and soul! I have so much hope for them! I'm trying to also spread the word of Love! Meaning, love your children no matter what! I love mine I couldn't have imagined if I would have ended their life because some one told me that their life was going to be cut short. Look how far we've come. I love that my girls are proving everyone wrong and putting up a fight.



So, please hug your child a little longer tonight, tell them that you love them a little too much, and believe in miracles!